Anime I Hate

 

Hate’s a strong word. It might not even apply to many of the series on this list. But “Anime I Hate” catches your attention more than “Anime That Just Don’t Do It For Me.” That phrase might be more appropriate, but this ain’t about appropriateness.

This is about piquing your curiosity. “What anime does this dude hate? Does he hate something I love? I’m already filling with nerd rage! I can’t wait to read this list!” You need that initial shock and furor to make this sort of thing work, and then you calm the hivemind’s anger when you can actually articulate why you don’t dig things. Either that or you just come off as a dude poking that hive with a big stick. Either conclusion is fine by me.

So yeah, there exists anime which I do not like. This is a list of said anime. Some of these series may not be ranked as low on that there My Anime List thing as other series, but there’s still something about them that rubs me the wrong way. Now let’s get to pissing you off already.

All this stuff’s in no particular order. We aren’t counting down or anything like that.

Angel Tales

Of all the series on this list, this is the one that has absolutely nothing of worth. While the others rub me in the wrong way and represent trends and traits I despise, at least I can say something positive about them. That isn’t the case with Angel Tales. I despise this series with every fiber of my being. It is the sort of thing I’d imagine myself being forced to watch for eternity if that Hell thing exists.

This thing’s a harem series. That alone isn’t what damns it. I tend not to like those sorts of series, but that isn’t a trait worthy of instant hate. What makes me loathe this thing is how the harem is formed. The main dude supposedly loves animals. He’s had many pets over the course of his life, but each of these pets has come to some grisly fate. Sometimes it isn’t his fault, but every death seems like it was something he could have prevented had he not been an inept, unobservant, wet blanket of an anime lead. Most of these pets die because of fucking neglect.

But when these pets die, they still love the guy, and their love allows them to be reborn as troperific anime girls who want to serve their master.

Yeah, this dude amasses a harem made of animals he abused and allowed to die. It’s as if Michael Vick went on The Bachelor and all of the women were reincarnated dogs. It’s fucking disgusting on a conceptual level.

Had this been a simple harem wannabe, it’d be long forgotten, but its premise is the lone anime that makes me genuinely angry.

Bleach

Bleach starts off pretty decently. It may be a generic shounen show, but it’s a little stylish and has likable characters who play off of each other well. It was far from being a favorite of mine, but I was enjoying it well enough.

Then the Soul Society arc started.

Ichigo’s foil, Rukia, gets captured and locked in a prison cell for dozens of episodes, so their interplay is thrown out the window. All of those other cool characters who have been hanging with Ichigo get ignored as well in favor of a bunch of new characters who all dress the same, have no personalities, and whose only defining characteristics are the swords they own.

Then the thing becomes every other shounen series, but it isn’t even a tolerable one. Ichigo fights some dudes, finds out he isn’t strong enough to beat the only guy he has to actually beat, and then trains. A lot. It’s shounen in its purest, most puerile form, and it’s all the worse because it purposely throws out a bunch of interesting stuff in favor of this trash.

Dragon Ball Z

Had Dragon Ball played out at some reasonably fast pace, it might be alright. It’d still be a lot of goofy-looking dudes screaming and shooting lasers for silly reasons, but at least it might be fun. As is, it makes most American soap operas look tightly paced in comparison. At least with soaps you can explain away the dragging plot with the need to repeat plot points for an audience that doesn’t necessarily catch every episode. DBZ doesn’t have that excuse. Sure, they claim they’re padding things to where they won’t catch up with the manga or whatever, but couldn’t they come up with some original scripts to pad the time? A fight that lasts mere minutes shouldn’t last several episodes.

DBZ’s biggest sin is that it has become the template for this sort of series. As much as I love the art in One Piece, I can’t stomach the pacing. DBZ pretty much ruined any chances of me giving these sorts of series a fair chance.

But the original Dragon Ball ain’t too bad. At least it’s more about goofy comedy than anything, and it doesn’t waste our time with horrible fights.

The Type Moon Universe

Blahblahblah vague dialogue.

Blahblahblah I took one philosophy class and now I think I know the secrets of the universe.

Blahblahblah let’s describe things instead of using animation to show shit.

Blahblahblah when we do actual fight scenes let’s have them suck.

That’s pretty much my impression of the Type Moon universe. I’ve seen a few of the Kara no Kyoukai movies. I tried watching Fate/Zero. I’ve looked into other stuff from the world. On paper it sounds cool, what with these secret battles for the fate of the universe and shit like that. But in practice it comes off as bad fanfiction written by a high school dude just discovering “deep” anime.

Trust me, I wrote shit like this when I was that age. It sounds cool at that age, but it really fucking sucks. I’d rather not see my high school spiral note books animated, thank you very much.

Read or Die the TV

The Read or Die OVA is brilliant. It’s a mix of 60s spy cool and super hero antics.

The Read or Die TV series is a bunch of girls sitting around talking about friendship and being sad and shit. Oh, and then they might make a giant paper airplane. Then, once the series is almost over, it realizes it’s based on an awesome OVA and shoehorns in some cool bits long after any good will has been lost. Too little too late, dudes.

Yeah, this is how you kill a franchise’s awesomeness. Instead of running with what made the original good, you cave in to trends and try to fit your franchise to the new mold. In the end you get a piece of shit that’s worse than the mediocrity you’re trying to parrot. If you wanna make a “girls doing cute girly shit” series, go for it. Hell, you might even make something decent in the process. That isn’t gonna damn you from the get-go. Just don’t take something that has nothing to do with that sort of series and force it to be such a series.

Fuck you, Read or Die the TV. Fuck. You.