Feb 142011

Ugliness, mean-spirited comedy, hot space alien assassin teachers with green skin, and now RPG Maker references? Level E is my Valentine this year.

Back in the day, around 2000 or 2001, I downloaded that legendary PC program known as RPG Maker. Being a college dude who never did his homework until it was absolutely necessary and had a measly part-time job that didn’t take much time out of anything, I had plenty of time to fuck around with that program. Same with a bunch of my online friends, so we had a short-lived RPG Maker party going on.

Being the kind of person that I am, mine ended up being one part Earthbound (I used the fanmade Earthbound tile sets.) and one part cynical , bitter comedy. The game starts with the main character, who just happens to be based on myself, getting sucked into an anime-like fantasy world. He ends up in a suburban neighborhood in this anime world and runs into a tentacle monster. The monster tries to be friendly, since he’s just a dude that lives in the neighborhood, but the main dude passes out in fear. When he comes to, the main character finds himself inside the tentacle monster’s house. Thinking he’s been kidnapped and is about to be raped by said tentacle monster, the dude lashes out and gets into a fight with the monster. It’s only after he murders the tentacle monster that the main dude realizes he just killed some innocent dude off the street. He feigns sadness as the tentacle monster dies in his arms, only to steal the dude’s wallet after he dies and runs off. He spends the rest of the game on the run from the law while picking up his friends (Who have also been sucked into this anime world) and trying to find a way home.

Or at least he would have gone on said quest if I got past the first few major encounters. I got distracted by other fanboy nonsense after I did a major encounter where the main dude and his party take down a mob boss who was a giant slime. I’d go back and screw around with it, but that was ten years and three computers ago. The game’s long since lost in space and time.

So yeah, the Prince has good taste. He’s no sissy forcing the kids into a dating sim, and he’s no lameass modern gamer who thinks he’s cool and tough for playing the latest iteration of Call of Modern Halo Theft of War. Old school, grindfest, 8-bit, princess-saving RPGs are where it’s at. We just need metal slimes instead of balls-out Moai statues with legs. Are you telling us something there, Prince? Is that what you like? Oh my.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.