Wednesday Morning Pony Cult – Part 3

 Cartoons, My Little Pony  Comments Off on Wednesday Morning Pony Cult – Part 3
Nov 222011

The discoveries I made last week about My Little Pony were considerably disconcerting. I uncovered a scheme by the Illuminati to influence the youth of America to accept current global conditions so that they will be willing dupes in the upcoming collapse of our government. This revelation so distressed me that I threw myself headlong into the cult of the Pony. No longer could I take this investigation at a leisurely pace. I had to get to the root of this conspiracy as far as possible and watched the remaining sixteen episodes.

I believe I have discovered the truth behind all of this, and it is more horrifying than I imagined.

The crux of this lies with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. These three ponies are the true audience ciphers in this series. The six main cast members are what kids want to be when they grow up– they’ve found their role in pony society and fulfill it dutifully. The Crusaders have yet to find their place in this world. They’re the youth of the world with their future’s ahead of them.

Yet what do they desire? They aren’t fueled by potential. They aren’t inspired by an uncertain, anything’s-possible future. They desperately want to find their place in society. They want to find their niche at all costs. And in finding this role they will obtain the thing that gives them relevance in society: the cutie mark.

The cutie mark makes a pony worthwhile. Without one, a pony is a second-class citizen– no better than the other sentient animals the ponies keep as slaves and fodder. But with a cutie mark a pony can find a job and participate in society.

Yeah, the cutie mark is the Mark of the Beast. 666 with sprinkles on top.

The globalist conspiracy behind My Little Pony is purely Satanic in origin. It is conditioning children to want the mark of the beast. When the time comes for everyone to line up, it will be the masses of children who have been indoctrinated by this series that will eagerly line up first. It will be a dream come true for them to receive their very own real life cutie mark that determines their fate. And as this show grows in popularity, so will our chances of fighting back against the Antichrists brony-army dwindle.

And in this I fear I’ve learned too much. In the days after I’ve finished this series and begun to work out my theories, I’ve seen strange things. Odd noises ring out at night, as if something large and four-legged lurks outside my window. Even as I write this post the night before I intend to post it, I can hear the rustling in the grass. One-two-three-four steps. Pacing back and forth. Waiting. I believe it is too late for me, my friends in magic, but don’t let my efforts go to waste. Don’t give in to the Cutie Mark of the Beast! If these words reach enough of you, your numbers will be able to grow with just as much might as these vile ponies.