Jan 062012

Yeah, I was genuinely looking forward to Kill Me Baby. I read some of the manga awhile back. I thought it was OK. Figured it’d be something that could potentially work well in animated form.

And… it’s still just OK.

 It’s the sort of novelty shit that I like. High school girl is also an assassin and has assassiny reactions to everyday stuff. It’s predictable and safe and all that, but it’s the sort of predictable and safe that tastes right. It’s assassins, man. That’s my lifeblood there.

Hell, when I was in school I wanted to be an assassin. Like, seriously. Ever see Grosse Point Blank? That’s how I wanted my ten-year high school reunion to play out. Never mind that I think the movie came out a year after I graduated from high school. It was like the writers of the movie were tapping into my every adolescent fantasy and bringing it to life. Except the love interest is so not my type, but whatever. Can’t be a perfect representation of my dreams.

So Kill Me Baby sounded like my kind of thing. Let’s laugh about a cold-blooded murderer doing cute anime girl shit. Problem is that the comedic timing is way off on this thing. A couple of gags work, but for the most part things linger too long or repeat the punchline or don’t build things up properly or whatever. That’s how things were in the manga, but this is the sort of shit that you can fix if you’re actually paying attention and not just copy/pasting manga art into Flash and coloring in-between the lines with the bucket function. You gotta use the real definition of adaptation, dudes. Don’t just slap what’s already there onto a computer screen. You need to think this shit out and ask questions like “Hey, I’m a smart guy, how can I make this mediocre source material better?”

But yeah, blahblahblah JCStaff blahblahblah money blahblahblah 4komas suck blahblahblah whatever. The makers of this thing don’t care. The fans don’t care because they’ll either eat it up because OMGPONYTAILSMAKEMEHARD or completely dismiss it because it isn’t some in-depth treatise on the human love condition of the post-post-modern high school freshman.

I don’t know, man, I just want my assassin comedies to actually be funny and shit. Being afraid of cockroaches ain’t comedy. That’s, like, an excuse to go buy some Raid. Investigating  rumors of ghosts in the school can be funny. Saying you’re not sure if you can put one in a headlock is funny. Having the punchline of that build-up be “oops, I tripped on a stick” is fucking unfunny.

I don’t want my assassin comedians tripping on fucking sticks. I do want them fulfilling the potential of that ghost/headlock joke. Don’t throw such an awesome set-up away just to give us a pratfall that wasn’t even funny when shit like Bosco and Betty Boop were cutting edge.

But I’ll likely keep watching Kill Me Baby. Such is the pain of being an assassin connoisseur.

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