Apr 082012

The last Symphogear post I wrote had me making up some nonsense about how the perfect anime would be 11 episode of meaningless slice of life and one final episode where the moon crashes into the Earth. The whole “moon crashing into the Earth” had nothing to do with Symphogear’s plot. That was all me.

Then Symphogear’s finale deals with crashing the moon into the Earth using the Tower of Babel. Not my idea in totality, but close enough for me to call these dudes out.

Yeah. OK. Anime-making dudes? I know y’all are reading this blog. I know y’all have used my brilliant ideas in the past. But I didn’t expect y’all to go out of your way to remake the ending of Symphogear just to go along with some “random” shit I made up off the top of my head.

Unfortunately, Symphogear didn’t steal anything else awesome from me during its finale. I really dug all of the stuff about the Tower of Babel and how this Fine chick created it as a demonstration of her romantic love for God. And I loved how God destroyed said Tower not because of humanity’s arrogance, but because he rejected this woman’s feelings and divided humanity out of what amounts to petty relationship drama. At least that’s the impression we get after listening to Fine’s rantings.

God doesn’t date, and if you ask him out he scatters your people across the globe and robs them of their only direct ability to communicate with him. Way to be a dick, dude.

And I liked how we can blame all of this on the Blue Ranger chick. It was her singing that awakened the genetic memories within that Ryoko girl. If it wasn’t for her being some pop idol wannabe, none of this would have happened. Again, we see the dangers of otaku pop culture and how it’ll destroy the world.

But all of these cool little details don’t really add up to much in the end, since Symphogear decided to be one of those series that ruins everything during the last-minute of the last episode. We got a pretty cool ending up until that moment. The girls sacrifice themselves. Main chick fights back, resurrects her friends through the power of friendship or whatever, and then they all make one final Armageddon-like push to destroy the piece of the moon hurdling towards Earth that the creators stole from me. I even liked the little epilogue where we saw the main chick’s buddy do her best to reenact her friend’s heroics by trying to save a woman from the Noise.

Then we find out that main chick and all of her buddies are alive and well. No sacrifice. No satisfying conclusion. Instead we get one of those endings where no one has to cry because all of the little girls are alive and well despite all of the events up to that point telling us otherwise. These girls sang their “swan songs” more than once. They made a noble sacrifice that made perfect sense within the context of the series. The whole thing was totally choreographed from the first scene of the first episode when we saw the buddy girl crying over the main girl’s grave. To have everyone all hunky dory is damn cheap and all but ruins everything that came before.

Without that copout ending, Symphogear’s a decent little series that’s elevated by its weird little details. Nothing awesome or anything, but totally watchable. But much like Madoka and Angel Beats and plenty of other recent series, its need to force a happily ever after out of a tragedy shows that the creators don’t get their own creation. You don’t build up a scenario where sacrifice is at the crux of the entire series only to say “Oh, I got better.” That shit’s never worked and never will work. All it does is leave open the potential to a sequel that, well, I want no part of now that you’ve botched the entire point of the series.

But, hey, at least we had some cool crazy bits before that lame ending. My theories about alchemy and shit like that didn’t pan out, but at least those bits kept my interest. And I still give them props for the crazy Tower of Babel ending. But day, people, sometimes you just need to let a character die to make things right.

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