Oct 302012

So yeah, Disney just bought Lucasfilm for billions of dollars and who knows how many souls of young orphaned children.

They now own Han Solo. And Indiana Jones. And The Muppets. And while they may not own the movie rights to them, they own the likes of Spiderman and the X-Men. All Disney needs to do is buy the Ian Fleming estate and they’ll own all of my childhood heroes.

I’m OK with this.

Disney is a monstrous, monolithic megacorp. They’re the sort of “the man” who “the man” fears. They would assimilate all forms of commerce and become a nation unto themselves if it wasn’t easier to keep doing things as they do now. We as nerds hate this sort of thing with some sort of innate underdog instinct. They don’t want them to touch our precious childhood treasures. Sure, we know that shit’s already owned by evil companies milking us for every dollar they can while delivering a mostly mediocre product, but in our minds Disney’s far worse. Disney is Mechagodzilla to George Lucas’ Rodan– we’re all too eager to root for the lesser city-destroying monster so long as he doesn’t team up with the world-destroying guy that comes along in the next movie.

So I get people’s knee jerk reactions. We don’t want Disney to win. They buy up something like Star Wars, or something like Marvel a few years back, and we piss and moan and speak in doomsday tones.

We totally forget that this behemoth has birthed the very same smelling shit we claim to protect.

Look at those Pirates of the Caribbean movies. On the surface they’re the sort of byproduct of focus group marketing we so fear, but when you actually watch the damn things you can see they’re made from the same cloth as Star Wars. You got your working class kid thrust into adventure. You got your plucky princess who can get dirty like the rest of the guys. You got your roguish anti-hero who likes to play tough but really gives a damn. You have evil empires and strange monsters and all that other stuff we love about Star Wars, and when you look at both franchises they’re about on par with each other quality-wise. Each of them began pretty brilliantly and defied all the odds in becoming super-popular and then quickly sank into mediocrity once the people behind the scenes stopped giving a damn. It took Star Wars a little longer to get there, but the first Pirates movie and the original Star Wars trilogy hit all the same notes. The only real reasons why I prefer Star Wars over Pirates are the ever-nagging feelings of nostalgia and my own preference for sci-fi over fantasy/period shit.

Deep down, Disney’s already making the same sort of movie we expect out of Star Wars. They just slap a different brand on the outside.

Then there’s all that Marvel stuff. I might not be the biggest fan of their Avengers-centric movies (Captain America and Avengers proper are the only two I genuinely like.), but the comic fans are eating that up. Disney is pleasing the hardcore Marvel Zombies, and they’re just as stuck up and stubborn about their precious fandoms as the Star Wars fanatics.

Hell, Disney was willing to revive fucking Tron after twenty or so years. Tron. Tron fans are mostly the same people who fell in love with Star Wars. Tron Legacy might not have been all that, but someone out there cared enough to bother with that damn thing and make a new movie and cartoon series.

Given all this, I just don’t see Disney fucking up Star Wars any more than it’s already been ruined. Hell, in my mind Star Wars is in about the same position as Marvel was pre-buyout, and since Marvel got snatched up by Disney all they’ve done is improved and renewed my interest in their stuff.

Yeah, I’m down with this thing. Just don’t stick Star Wars in Kingdom Hearts, please. Kingdom Hearts fucking sucks.

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