Sep 302014

Anybody seen Genndy Tartakovsly’s Popeye short? It’s just a proof of concept thing. It’s been out for awhile and peeps say it’s pretty good. But me, I thought there was something really… off, about Popeye, and I wasn’t sure what. Well, now I do.

Rewatching the clip, I’ve finally noticed what it was that was bothering me. He has no fucking pipe. Goddamnfuckit! A closer inspection shows he also seems to be missing his tattoos. I realize this is just some sort of test animatic or whatever, but fuck this shit. And it’s not a matter of “The pipe and tattoos doesn’t make Popeye”. Fuck you, the pipe and tattoos totally makes Popeye. It’s like how the red underwear and basic desire to protect human life makes Superman.

I mean, anybody can be a fundamentalist racist. But you need the dunce-hat mask. Otherwise, you’re just a regular backward thinking bigot.

If you’re gonna be a pussy and take away Popeye’s pipe and tattoos, then don’t half ass it. Go all the way and give us Popeye Jr. Revel in the audacity, rather than wallow in mediocrity.

Also, how the hell is he gonna suck in his spinach? Okay, so he didn’t always eat his spinach through his pipe, but at the very least, wouldn’t he need it to go “toot-toot!”. Yes, he could just tug on the ship’s tooter or whatever you callit, but the pipe’s gotta be there to help punctuate the imagery.

So yeah, hopefully, if/when we get Popeye, he won’t be some watered down pussy.

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