RPG Making

 Anime, Games, Level E, RPG Maker, Video Games  Comments Off on RPG Making
Feb 142011

Ugliness, mean-spirited comedy, hot space alien assassin teachers with green skin, and now RPG Maker references? Level E is my Valentine this year.

Back in the day, around 2000 or 2001, I downloaded that legendary PC program known as RPG Maker. Being a college dude who never did his homework until it was absolutely necessary and had a measly part-time job that didn’t take much time out of anything, I had plenty of time to fuck around with that program. Same with a bunch of my online friends, so we had a short-lived RPG Maker party going on.

Being the kind of person that I am, mine ended up being one part Earthbound (I used the fanmade Earthbound tile sets.) and one part cynical , bitter comedy. The game starts with the main character, who just happens to be based on myself, getting sucked into an anime-like fantasy world. He ends up in a suburban neighborhood in this anime world and runs into a tentacle monster. The monster tries to be friendly, since he’s just a dude that lives in the neighborhood, but the main dude passes out in fear. When he comes to, the main character finds himself inside the tentacle monster’s house. Thinking he’s been kidnapped and is about to be raped by said tentacle monster, the dude lashes out and gets into a fight with the monster. It’s only after he murders the tentacle monster that the main dude realizes he just killed some innocent dude off the street. He feigns sadness as the tentacle monster dies in his arms, only to steal the dude’s wallet after he dies and runs off. He spends the rest of the game on the run from the law while picking up his friends (Who have also been sucked into this anime world) and trying to find a way home.

Or at least he would have gone on said quest if I got past the first few major encounters. I got distracted by other fanboy nonsense after I did a major encounter where the main dude and his party take down a mob boss who was a giant slime. I’d go back and screw around with it, but that was ten years and three computers ago. The game’s long since lost in space and time.

So yeah, the Prince has good taste. He’s no sissy forcing the kids into a dating sim, and he’s no lameass modern gamer who thinks he’s cool and tough for playing the latest iteration of Call of Modern Halo Theft of War. Old school, grindfest, 8-bit, princess-saving RPGs are where it’s at. We just need metal slimes instead of balls-out Moai statues with legs. Are you telling us something there, Prince? Is that what you like? Oh my.

Lonely Rolling Star

 Anime, Games, Katamari Damacy, Level E, Video Games  Comments Off on Lonely Rolling Star
Jan 252011

NaNaaaaaaaaaa NaNaNa NaNa NaNa Katamari Level EEEEEEEEEEEE!

So yeah, what do you do when you have all the power in the universe, seemingly god-like parents who will back up whatever choices you make because they rule over vast swaths of the galaxy, and every single alien in space in your pocket? Do you go about spreading goodwill and prosperity to lesser planets or do you go to said lesser planets and fuck their shit up because that’s an awesome thing to do?

The answer should be pretty obvious. No one’ll remember that dude that went about life peacefully doling out the goods and not asking for anything in return. Even messiah figures demand  your loyal obedience to whatever force they represent in exchange for their salvation. If you wanna be remembered, you gotta grandstand, and if you gotta grandstand you may as well go balls out with it.

I kinda saw this coming, but yeah, I decided to put my money on something a bit more sedated and devious. I had a feeling that the Prince was screwing around and deliberately trying to start shit with the aliens on Earth, but I didn’t count on the whole thing being a huge prank/con job (Next time I hear someone refer to all of this as a “troll” I’ll scream.) to alleviate his boredom. Yeah, fucking over his underlings and a few hapless backwater humans is pretty chaotic neutral and all, but hardly sinister or evil or whatever. And that’s what makes this so awesome.

The Prince is like Kafuka from Zetsubou-sensei or The King of All Cosmos from Katamari Damacy– he’s someone gifted with far too much insight and power and has nothing better to do with his power than start shit up. He doesn’t have an agenda beyond his personal amusement, and I find these sorts of “villains” far more interesting than those with personal motivations behind their actions. The unexplainable is far more frightening and troubling than something we can quantify. When a villain poses and monologues about why he’s about ready to start an intergalactic war with Earth as its epicenter, all of the bad shit going down has been grounded in your mind. Yeah, either way you’re fucked, but at least you have that solace in your mind that you know what’s coming and why it’s coming. When you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t it “just because,” you don’t get that relief, and I find that a far more terrifying prospect.

And when you turn all of that existential fear and loathing into a comedy, then you’re rolling in the golden funniness. And really, isn’t all comedy about seeing the misfortunes of others and laughing at how they can’t control said misfortune? By ramping up the chaos with that sense of “what the fuck is going on here,” you’re making it all the more hilarious.

So yeah, the gods fucking with us is the height of comedy. Give us more. Maybe the Prince’ll get drunk next episode and blow up all of the stars in the universe, forcing baseball dude and his gal pal to roll up cats and bikes and houses to create new stars.

Swan Lake

 Anime, Games, Haiyore! Nyaruko-San, Video Games  Comments Off on Swan Lake
Jan 162011

You know what. I’m gonna keep on writing about Nyarlko. Not because it’s good (although it’s gotten better). Nope. I’m gonna do this shit because no one else is doing it. That’s what the cool kids do, right?

Am I a hipster now, father? Father? Are you listening to me, father? FATHER!

So yeah. Evangelion shit and Cthulhu shit. Totally makes sense, since both are about breaking down like a little pussy in the face of horrific monstrosities from the great beyond that want to fuck up Earth for no damn good reason. Even when you have your own Elder God jacked up with super technology, and even if you’ve read all of those nasty tomes and got your Cthulhu Mythos and Library Use stats up to 99%, you still lose all of your SAN and lose the game.

But if you wanna talk about true madness, you gotta look at the WonderSwan reference. Dude. Seriously. WonderSwan? I know it did decently over in Asia and all, but really? Are the modern-day otaku that have been weaned on the DS and PSP gonna have any clue what that is? Isn’t that like someone busting out a Commodore or a ColecoVision on Big Bang Theory when the only old school system anyone would recognize is an Atari? Having the balls to bust out that reference should cost you 2d6 SAN minimum.

But  yeah, the WonderSwan is one of those unattainable artifacts that I always wanted, if only for the potential novelty of busting it out at school or at work, having people ask me something like “Hey, is that the new Gameboy,” only to look at them with a smug smirk and say “Oh, no, this is a motherfucking WonderSwan, biatch!” Except the barrier wasn’t really the money. It wasn’t like the Neo Geo of my youth, where the insane price was the sole thing keeping me from getting one. I could go to Babbage’s and gawk at a Neo Geo. The only way I could lust after a WonderSwan was if I looked longingly at web pages and shit. I guess I could have paid out the ass and imported one, but that shit is just as insane as the seeing it referenced in this anime.

Oh yeah, at that fish grew legs. That was perfectly normal and predictable. Especially given how much that obnoxious shounen griped about it before we finally saw the proverbial money shot punchline.